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This website will be about life thoughts, science musings, books, and a general blog

I may also include art of clouds and the moon?

2026/06/24

When I was younger I dabbled in Minecraft. My favorite pet was the ocelot, I liked how it would follow me around. At the time my living situation could not accommodate cats. Now, years later, I have two of them.

Fluffy, noisy, cuddly cats.

They live a charmed life: eat, sleep, play, groomed, be petted, shit. As indoor pets, they are a bit tortured with the view of prey and trespassers outside. As loved pets, they are sent to the vet, at least annually for undignified check ups. This means a thermometer stuck up their butt. Strangers grabbing them and pricking them with needles. Dog and forgein cat musks and piss. They live in a gilded cage. Even if for their own good, aka my own fear of them ending up dead or abandoning me. What a bleak truth about myself.

If I live a similar life, is it charmed?

I am confronting the following values: usefulness, ambition, responsibility.

I am confronting what I actually want in life. At this moment, at this age, in this system.

What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? what what what what?

I must not spend money frivolously. I must declutter. I must keep house.

I feel like a nepo. Even though the circumstance of their birth is out of their control, those that live denying their privilege are gross.

Anyways, I feel like a nepo. Useless to society. (#not-all-nepos)

  1. Must I be useful to be valued, loved, or entitled to life? What does it mean to be useful? I'm sure there is a dead philosopher(s) that has explored this question thoroughly.
  2. Do I even have any ambitions? What do I want in life? What ambition do other people have for me and are they fogging my truth? Without ambition will I rot alive?
  3. What are my responsibilities? What do I feel responsible for? What am I being pressured to be responsible for? What responsibilities do I want to have?

I hope to answer these questions before I throw myself into a definitive direction

I will not be reading any science papers in the next couple of days. I will instead be doing arts and crafts. Maybe some will be posted here.